Hi. It’s been a while since I wrote a new post. Yes, I know. I keep making excuses why I cannot write every day. I keep listening to podcasts, writing notes and here we are, in the thought masturbation process once again, which in turn has activated my fear of achieving my dreams.
Fear of consistency
Consistency has always been a problem for me. Ever since getting my first job at 16, I struggled with being consistent. Every time I have to do the same thing over and over again I struggle to have a will and motivation for it and it becomes automated.
Why am I talking about consistency in a post for my fear of achieving my dreams? Well, because I keep making excuses and one of them is being consistent – How can I be a successful writer if I don’t consistently show up for my writing?
And that’s why I keep postponing my success. I keep finding excuses for things.
So, I need to start showing up. Every day. No excuses.
“But no one reads my shit anyway”
The second most popular excuse in my book. This blog has barely a 100 views per day. It’s like no matter what I do, people just don’t seem to give a flying (or landing) fuck about what I have to say. Therefore, another excuse for consistency, for fueling my fear of achieving my dreams. But I blame “the people” and not me. The truth (that I definitely don’t wanna hear) is that I don’t show up for my blog – therefore the people don’t show up.
“What if I say something wrong and I get attacked immediately?”
A constant in my head. This excuse is a regular visitor in my head like an alcoholic in a bar. All the people feel a certain pressure of the mass, but people who are in the spotlight feel it the most. As a pretty loud person, online and offline, I deal with this pressure a lot of times. However, it’s different if I have to deal with it on a regular basis. So, that’s my excuse and a barrier to my fear of achieving my dreams.
“The pressure of forcing creativity”
There was this guy that said: “I don’t wait for my muse to show up. I show up at precisely 9 am so my muse knows where to find me.” Nononono. That doesn’t work for me. Forcing my creativity seems like the worst thing. But that’s why I am not successful. I keep not showing up. The problem is I feel like shopping up constantly means I always have something big to say.
That’s not the case always. Sometimes words just come to me. Other times I don’t have anything to say. Therefore, showing up everyday means just creating without quality. But that is exactly what I am worried. I don’t want to create just to create. My goal is to touch people. To speak on important matters. Not just be there.
“I don’t wanna be a commercial sellout”
Moreover, connected to the pressure of being creative, I don’t want to be a commercial sellout. I do not want to lose myself in what the world wants to become of me. I want to hold the power and create high quality work. My goal is not to become a influencer that tells you to buy this product because I am being paid.
The goal of my online presence is to create meaningful messages – to show you more about what PCOS is and how to deal with it, how to have better mental health and how to be productive. Furthermore, my goal is to create change. If I change at least one reader I am happy.
That’s why I do not stop. Even if I have only one loyal reader. However, I need something that pays the bills. I can lie to you forever and tell you I wanna help you for free. But I am done giving free handouts of my work. That doesn’t pay my bills.
So here’s my solemn promise to show up consistently for this blog and my success. But do not ever expect that I want to be a blogger and influencer and have 10 stories about product promotion. My “product promotion” will always be good books, podcasts and things worth talking – mental health and productivity before all. And yes, my dearly beloved PCOS.