I know I know, I’m late I can’t do anything on time, yeah I’ve heard that a milion times and I s*ck for it ikr. But you have to understand how my days look like and how busy and under stress I am. Plus I have health issues *hint: more in this week’s post* and I have to maintain my stress levels on the overall low, which is going terrible btw.
Another really important reason why this post is late is because I was on a motivational weekend in Portoroz, working on the event (that’s TODAAAAAAAAY!!!!!) the whole weekend and didn’t really have the time to write this post. Plus I was very very tired, so much so, I didn’t go to school on Monday because I just felt burnt out.
I know I keep telling y’all to take it slow and relax and enjoy life, while I’m doing the exact opposite – working on 6 projects and organizing events and school and graduation and planning my two trips. And I know it’s not healthy, but like man, I love every single project I’m working on and I can’t give it up.
It’s like running a marathon – you convince yourself that it’s only a little bit more and that you can do it. But everyone who has run a marathon knows you need huge preparations and pauses in between and after to actually endure the labor needed. And yes by writing this, I’m trying to make myself feel better because I’m being super sh*tty to myself lately.
For the month while I was at work, I slept a record of 4,5 hours a day. How did my day look like? Well, get up on a Monday for lectures at 8.30 then go to work for another 8,9 hours (till 9,10 o’clock) come back home and do work for school. On Tuesdays go to meetings twice a day while being in the office. Friday night was an extra – staying till 11 to finish work. On the weekends it’s time to go out right? Wrong. Saturdays are for apartment cleaning and writing blog posts while working on projects for school, because I couldn’t finish them in 2,3 hours at night.
So, yes. It was a lot. I remember the last week being at work, I asked myself If I can do this and how tired I am of all of this. Plus I’m not even in marketing – i’m an accountant (so to say) I’m an archive worker. Sure I wrote 2 playbooks and felt amazing when my work was credited. But all the time I was waiting for something more – real project management, where I’d look over and take care of projects. That did not arrive, maybe till my last day.
And then it happened. After 3 days of feeling like the absolute worst worker, because I didn’t understand any of the instructions I was given, it happened. I got fired. I got my last paycheck, was asked to pack, return the keys and just leave in the middle of the day. And it was a huge shock, don’t get me wrong. For a minute, while I was packing my things, my hands shook. But, all of a sudden, I felt relieved.
I’m not the worst worker anymore. I’m free. I got a good paycheck (given the fact that I spend more than 8 hours in the office per day) I can finally go on with my travel plans, given the fact that work was a definite obstacle towards being a student. But most of all, don’t have to communicate with a person who does not understand my workflow or how my brain works no matter how much I explain.
“Oh come on, it’s just logic.” “Oh come on, have some sense for aesthetics” – I was told. And it made me feel like a failure. It made me feel not understood and that my actual expertise and knowledge does not shed a light. And I’m not even gaining experience in marketing, although I work in a marketing company!
So, the minute it ended I remember calling my family and my friends, who were in deep shock and believed that I was shocked too. But I wasn’t. I kinda expected it. If my boss communicates only in a way he thinks he’s understandable, it’s not really my fault right? I mean I could be smarter and understand basic logic, but f*ck it I’m not.
But then again, I have the most creative brain. I can solve almost any problem or provide a solution or idea. I can write anything you want me to and I know how to send a message to a wider audience. And this job, didn’t use my skills at all. Which again is not the worst thing because I tried something and I saw that it’s not for me. I’m one experience richer, even for a month.
I’m a person who can’t stand a job or anything else for that matter I don’t like. Yes, I will try and make the most of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. Most of the time I’m not. And this job was like that.
Now I can actually take a breather, go to my doctor’s appointments and focus on the rest of my projects, which are pretty important to me. I can even allow myself to go out for the weekend. And finally sleep.
I think another reason why things turned out the way they did, is because I couldn’t handle that lifestyle and I was gonna burn out pretty fast. I think this was destiny’s way of stopping me not to ruin myself. Because to be honest, if I didn’t get fired god knows how far would I’ve come, especially given the fact that I didn’t have time to go the doctor’s and I was postponing it indefinitely.
This firing was life telling me: “Soph, stop worrying about your professional life and enjoy real time right now. Travel, love and spend time with your people. There is time for you to be a career woman. Just relax while you still can. Travel when your age and the benefits of being student still exist. And for the love of god woman stop being under so much stress. “
So if there’s anything else I’d say is don’t be like me. Take breaks, even if you feel like you don’t need them, because chances are your body is going to stop you or you will burn out so hard you will sleep 12 hours for a week like I did and you will still feel tired. Put yourself first. F*ck the job and the stress with it. Invest time in you.
Don’t be like me. Stop running marathons you know never end. Go to the party, leave work early, quit if it’s too stressful. It’s very hard for me to say “no” or to quit because I see quitting as a weakness. But reality is, you can only force yourself so much.
So next time you see yourself being under stress, just remember life is too short to worry too much.