It may not be the best time to say how I feel, but I am going to do that anyway because that’s what I’ve always done. But you’re not here so it doesn’t really matter.
I have tears in my eyes and I am very sad because you’re not here. You should’ve arrived in 10 minutes on the train station in Coimbra and I was going to run into your arms and smother you, just to remind you how the whole three days are going to be – me smothering you with hugs.
I was gonna be more like a puppy than anything else – just wigging my non-existent tail and looking at your stupid face constantly. But you’re not here.
I never wake up early even if I have to. For you I’d wake up at 10. Just to hear that you are on that train and you’re on your way here. I’d make sure you felt safe and happy the way I feel every single day around you.
Whether you stay up although you’re sleepy as hell to make sure I got home safe. Or just when we’re watching Rick and Morty together and we say the same thing at the same time with the same voice.
You arrived. You have that stupid little grin on your face. Just like you have it every single day when you look at me. Your brown eyes have a different spark today. You’re finally here. After a whole month.
“So, what do you wanna do first?” I say while we’re walking down praca 8 Maio and just trying to survive the hot day. You look all confused and a bit shy you say: “Let’s just get home first, shall we?” and I agree.
We get home, you explore the whole house and just curiously look around. You come into my room and you kiss me. You kiss me as if you owed me a thousand kisses from before, from another time, from another life. Kissing my lips my neck, you kiss everywhere where you can.
The bag carrying three shirts, a pair of shorts and pants, just falls to the ground. We kiss some more.
But this didn’t happen today, you are in your own city. In your own home you remain till another day that we get to do this and so much more.
But you’re not here today and god knows if you ever will be.
I do really, really wish you were, though.